In all the trials..

The doctors were amazed my healing process has been so great. Four weeks after my accident my arm and a 6" cut on my back had healed up completely.

It was time to take out stitches. 

Even though I knew having them removed were going to be painful, I had NO idea how much pain it would be. The skin had grown over and they were deep in there. Like I'm talking screaming pain not crying pain. Thankfully the pain only lasted a day! 

I cannot even begin to tell you how awesome it was to take a shower without worrying about getting my stitches wet. 

A few weeks later my arm started to swell up, each day it got bigger and more painful. It was a total of 5 days and then it busted.

Now I won't go into detail but it was gross. I went to the emergency room with my grandparents because my parents were at a Tennessee game. I had an infection in two places and I had to stay for surgery. I went into surgery on the 3rd day. 

After surgery I realized they didn't close it up. I was then told that they were not going to close it up because they were cavities in my skin and they needed to close on their own. Ok, so I'm sitting there with two holes in my arm one weirdly shaped, and the other an inch wide and an inch deep. All that I can think is: Are you serious?? 

They then proceeded to tell me that to clean them every day I have to put soap around them and put the holes under water. The thought alone gave me pain.

 I will tell you I started praying right then to give me strength to do this because everything in me was not wanting to. I went home the next day.

I really need to take a shower but I will be honest it took me like 30 min to even convince myself to turn the shower on. I got in and God gave me the immediate strength to just do it. It stung, burned and I cried. But because He gave me strength, and I did it. 

It is amazing how God just instantly gives you the ability to do something you didn't think you could.

While all that was going on my back was getting worse.

We actually didn't find out my back was broken until two weeks later. They had missed it, while dealing with my arm. They sent us directly to a back doctor. He told us I had a 10% compression fracture.  He said I didn't need a brace, and there was no way to make it worse. He told me I could go back to work and do anything till I get tired.

So I did all that he said I could do. As days went by my pain got worse and worse. I couldn't do anything without having pain. 

We then told one of my doctors, and he ordered a CT late December. A few days later I got a phone call saying that my back had turned from a 10% to a 40% compression fracture. It had now affected two bones. I also found out that three hooks on the side of my vertebrae had been chipped off in my wreck.  

Life was getting harder and I was starting to realize what the rest of my life would look like with one arm.   It was hard to go to do something and realize you can't do it because you only have one arm. Even the things I have to differently still was frustrating because I wasn't so called "normal".

One morning as I was doing my quiet time I came across this verse and it was exactly what I needed. 

Isaiah 43:2-3a

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you

When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.

When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned. The flames will not consume you.

For I am the Lord, your God. The Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

Wow! He is with us, in every single thing we face.I was just overcome with such awe. I began to reflect on everything that I had been through so far and in ever situation it is so evident that He has been with me! Although life isn't easy, I have a God who has given me the strength in all the trials I have been faced with. Even when I stumble or fail, He has picked me up and held me in His arms. He has given me joy to get through each day. God is good. He is Jehovah Shammah, the Lord who is there.

Daughter of The King.

There is a first time for everything. The first time a baby takes its first step, or the first time you go into a new store. Whatever it is, there is always an expectation. Big, small, bad or good.

I had been begging to go to Chickfila and Target. I wanted to tackle both in one day. Now this was a big stretch. We are talking not going anywhere except to therapy/doctors to going to my favorite places. 

I had this whole picture in my head. It was going to be amazing. 

We pulled into Chickfila and went in and enjoyed a nice lunch. Then we drove over to Target. We walked in, and I was so excited. I asked my parents if I could look around by myself and they said yes. I was so excited to see people. I noticed they were staring at me for some reason, I was so confused. Then it hit. I felt embarrassed. Seconds later a woman turned to her child who was about 3 or 4 and said "Honey look at her, doesn't she look funny? She looks like a freak doesn't she?" Now, not only was I embarrassed I was ashamed, of something I couldn't control. I was so upset, how could a stranger treat me so badly. But God quickly reminded me that the world and everyone in it will fail me but He, my God, will ALWAYS love me! No matter what, two arms or one. The rest of that day and  the next few days were constant struggles, and having to constantly surrender. 

A few weeks later we went to a pancake breakfast to support a wonderful man. He is a soldier that lost his two legs, and the proceeds were going to him and his lovely wife. Afterwards, I realized I  needed to get a few things at Target. So we went in and again, I went off and got my stuff. I started to get in a lot of pain, so I went and sat in the eating area while my parents finished shopping. 

I started playing on my phone and then I put it down and just as I did I heard this loud group of people laughing. 

A group of about 7 or 8 people my age. They were all pointing and laughing at me. One guy said "She is so ugly she should be in a freak show." Other things were said and then they left. I looked around and saw people laughing too. 

At that moment I wanted to cry, but I felt like God was saying "Ellie pray for them." I thought, uhh yeah right. They had hurt me, really BAD. 

I got up and found my parents. We left and when we got home I told them what happened. I even told them that I felt like I should pray for the people the laughed at me, but it was so hard to grasp the thought of praying for them when they were so hurtful.

That night I was on my computer on Facebook and someone had posted a song, so I listened to it. After the song was done it gave me suggestions of more songs and I clicked on "Losing" by Tenth Avenue North. 

I had heard this song many times on the radio before my wreck but the video I was watching had the lyrics typed out and it was the exact song I needed to hear. 

I felt this need to pray for those people, I felt God saying literally get on your knees and pray for them.

I forgave them right there, and I felt free. 

I realized that no matter if people stare or say harsh things, God thinks I am beautiful. Why? Because He created me, and I am the daughter of The King.

(This is the video/song I watched that day!)

09/26 - A day I never imagined

There are certain things in your life that you will never forget. It may be a random detail, like what your Great-grandfather pranked on a random lady in the K-mart. Or it could be huge, like knowing you will never be able to play with your little brother you were so excited about getting because he passed. Those moments, those memories, those smells, they helped make you into the person you are right now. 

My whole life I have been in various trials that have forced me to fall onto my knee's in prayer and surrender because I could not go on alone. So weak and broken that nothing could satisfy my soul more than the love of my Heavenly Father.

September 26th was like any other day. I got up, got ready, and left for my two classes. 

I had Math in the morning and Composition in the afternoon. 

My Comp. class ended at 3:15 so just in time to go to Sonic for happy hour. I got my usual, Vanilla Coke. I was going to go home and do some homework before Bible Study. 

My A/C didn't work so I had the windows down, and was jamming to J103. One of my favorite songs had come on, 10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman, and I was singing at the top of my lungs.

I was in the left lane, getting ready to get in the right lane. I turned on my blinker, looked in my mirrors, looked behind me, and I started to go. 

As I started going the car right behind me swerved fast in the right lane, and went back right in front of me forcing me to slam on my breaks. My car then turned towards oncoming traffic. 

It was perfect timing that I was going to go straight into the side of the car coming towards me. In that split second I thought, I know I am going to heaven but I don't know about them, so I swerved right and hoped for the best. That is all I remember. 

I was told that my car went head first into a pole and my car flipped over the guardrail and flipped a few times 

stopping right before the Tennessee River. 

The man I almost hit, swerved over and ran out. The ambulance and many people were there in an instant he said. They were saying there is no way I could be alive, and as they were about to pronounce me dead, they heard me moan. 

There he saw it, what would change my life forever. My left arm had been cut off. He took off his shirt and wrapped what was left of my arm. I was responsive, and talking to him. I asked him "Did I loose my arm?" and He said "Yes." I had a big cut on my back that was bleeding bad, but I hardly ever bled from my arm being cut off. They not once, had to give me blood. I went straight into surgery where the cleaned out my arm and closed my back. This is all that was told to me.

The next thing I remember is seeing my mothers face, and the man I nannied for (My dad and brothers were in Asia trying to get here as fast as they could). I remember saying "Mom, I know my arm is gone." I vaguely remember my pastors face and other family members but my memory isn't real clear till the 29th which is when I had my second surgery to close up my arm. 

Those first days were extremely awful, I was in so much pain. On top of my arm pain, I had a broken shoulder and back.

I remember holding my dads hand and my mom rubbing my head as I moaned and screamed in pain countless times. My whole body ached and was in shock. I would go to do stuff and realize that I couldn't and I would just sob. The only thing that would calm me down was praise music. ( How awesome!)

I had so many visitors. The love and prayers that I felt were over and abundant. I was able to leave the hospital October 3rd. That was when reality hit. I walked into my grandparents house and saw my reflection and broke down.It was a painful sight. So many painful thoughts, and realizations I didn't want to believe. I remember feeling an overwhelming peace, which I often felt in the hospital. I felt as though God was holding me and saying "I know you do not understand, but I have a plan."

To be continued...