I felt it.

It really is the funniest thing.

You know how you say "God is good, even in the hard times!"
And you may even post it in a blog or something.
Stating a hypothetical situation of making, maybe PB&J?

Then it happened.
It was last week.
We were making tacos.
The reality and list of how much help I really need grew. LONG.
The emotions were stirring.

I can't cut the frozen meat. I couldn't open the salsa. I couldn't cut the avocado. And other things, but you get the point.

Then, I did something so unhealthy. I stuffed it. I stuffed my emotions and didn't acknowledge the anger boiling inside me.

Next day. I couldn't put a ponytail in one of the kids in my class hair. It took me 5 minutes to open 1 string cheese. I broke 2 diapers. And the little obstacles got bigger and bigger.

That night I got in bed, and Jason said something and I just broke into pieces. I began to sob. Hard sobs.

Confessing all these emotions and frustrations. Of why can't I just be done going through this? It truly is the hardest thing not to be angry knowing I can't and NEVER will I be able to do things. Yeah, Yeah, I can have tools that help me, but accepting the harsh reality is so hard in a new situation that it won't ever be "normal". It truly is a daily battle.

In the midst of it all, Jason held me.
It was the most vulnerable I think I have ever felt. The pain felt so strong. I felt, and told Jason, that I felt like I failed him, ALREADY.

He just began to speak truth. Holding me and telling me its wrong to think that way, and that he it doesn't even bother him at all. Jason then said that he married me for me, not for the things I can or can't do. And that he loves me more than I will ever know. (And way more but that is the main stuff!)

Those simple truths. They gave me such a picture of Christ that it just makes me cry thinking about it.
When we cry, complain, and vent to our Father, He holds us, speaks truth, loves us despite our imperfections, and loves us more than we will ever know.
I count is as a HUGE blessing to have a husband that loves me THROUGH Christ. And I know that because I felt that in such a real, and raw way.

These three weeks have been the best three weeks of my life. Jason is the greatest gift I have ever received and I am so grateful God saw fit for me to be Jason's wife.

I am also grateful for NEW seasons. It's truly hard to experience new struggles and new emotions. And to be honest I just think it gets harder. But on the flip side. I love the fact that God chooses to give us these feelings to teach us to rely, surrender, and to love HIM with our heart not just our mouth. I just love how He gives me so many opportunities to live out the truth that I say I believe. I fail a lot, but I love the things He is teaching me. It really gives me pure joy.  I am so proud to be a daughter of the KING.

God is truly good.