One week left a Miss.

It's all surreal.

Everyone said it would go by fast but I didn't realize that meant in a blink of an eye.
It's really the craziest thing.

I can't even begin to explain all the emotions that have gone in my head.
I have excitement, joy, fear, anxiousness, nervousness, happiness, and many more all at the same time.

But it's like when you are hit with such exciting new things satan tries to steal it. And I'll be honest it's been hard to not give it to him.

I am so elated to be a wife. To make dinner, see him in the morning, kiss him goodnight, clean "our" place, and do "wifey" things.  I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am.
But I am also so nervous and scared. I still don't know all of what I can and cannot do. And I know it's never bothered Jason but I just feel bad life won't be normal.

It is so hard to not dwell in grief.
I have to lay it down EVERYDAY.
I have to process daily still (and honestly I probably always will) that life will never be the same.

Now, I am not just taking care of myself. In a week, I will have a new role.
And to be honest, it's so hard not to think of those little things. Like the fact that I can't even make a PB&J sandwich for my husband because I can't hold the bread down while I spread it. And that is just one of the simplest things.

Then, (of course), I had to go and read Job.

Job 1:20-22

Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshiped. He said,“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,And naked I shall return there.The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away.Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.

Wow! (Man, that slap in the face hurt!)

So, I am sitting there and all I could do was sob.
I was being so selfish. Look at what God has done.
Yes, my arm is gone.
Yes, I am always in pain.
Yes, my life will never be the same and it sucks sometimes.

BUT GOD!!!!!!

He gave me LIFE, JOY, and PEACE.
He has given me a job, that I get loved on by little kids.
A family who loves me.

And lastly, He gave me Jason. A man who loves God so much it pours out. A man who is so kind and accepting of EVERY person he meets.  A man who in the worst moments of my life tried everything in his power to accommodate and make me feel "normal". A man who literally loves me in such a way that makes me feel beautiful and worth the world. He is so amazing, and I am SO lucky I get to call him mine. (Goodness, it makes me cry just thinking about it:D)

WOW! I really love that God choses to give us His word. I don't deserve it. Like, at all.
But instead, He gives me hope. That you know, I don't understand. And quite frankly I know it will be hard.
But every day I choose to say and surrender to believe "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."

God is good. SO good.

P.S. I am getting married in one week. ONE WEEK!!!!!
P.S.S. I seriously can't contain this excitement!!!
P.S.S.S. ANDDDDDD Jason is taking me to disney. DREAMS DO COME TRUE!!! :)